There were two little kids in the stalls,
And I could have cheerfully shot 'em,
Thoughout the whole show they kept blowing dried peas
At the hole in the elephant's bottom

We played for the Royal Command,
Their majesties, I could just spot 'em,
And the National Anthem sounds grand
Through the hole in the elephant's bottom

And for historic interest only:

Let Bush invade if he will,
His bombs and his shells he can drop 'em,
When Saddam finds shelter I know where he'll go,
Through the hole in the elephant's bottom.