CAPTION: 'ARCHAEOLOGY TODAY'

Interview set for archaeology program. Chairman and two guests sit in chair in front of a blow-up of an old cracked pot.

Interviewer Hello. On 'Archaeology Today' tonight I have with me Professor Lucien Kastner of Oslo University.
Kastner Good evening.
Interviewer How tall are you, professor?
Kastner ... I beg your pardon?
Interviewer How tall are you?
Kastner I'm about five foot ten.
Interviewer ... and an expert in Egyptian tomb paintings. Sir Robert... (turning to Kastner) are you really five foot ten?
Kastner Yes.
Interviewer Funny, you look much shorter than that to me. Are you slumped forward in your chair at all?
Kastner No, er I...
Interviewer Extraordinary. Sir Robert Eversley, who's just returned from the excavations in El Ara, and you must be well over six foot. Isn't that right, Sir Robert?
Sir Robert (puzzled) Yes.
Interviewer In fact, I think you're six foot five aren't you?
Sir Robert Yes.
Applause from off. Sir Robert looks up in amazement.
Interviewer Oh, that's marvelous. I mean you're a totally different kind of specimen to Professor Kastner. Straight in your seat, erect, firm.
Sir Robert Yes. I thought we were here to discuss archaeology.
Interviewer Yes, yes, of course we are, yes, absolutely, you're absolutely right! That's positive thinking for you. (to Kastner) You wouldn't have said a thing like that, would you? You five-foot-ten weed. (he turns his back very ostentatiously on Kastner) Sir Robert Eversley, who's very interesting, what have you discovered in the excavations at El Ara?
Sir Robert (picking up a beautiful ancient vase) Well basically we have found a complex of tombs...
Interviewer Very good speaking voice.
Sir Robert ... which present dramatic evidence of Polynesian influence in Egypt in the third dynasty which is quite remarkable.
Interviewer How tall were the Polynesians?
Kastner They were...
Interviewer Sh!
Sir Robert Well, they were rather small, seafaring...
Interviewer Short men, were they... eh? All squat and bent up?
Sir Robert Well, I really don't know about that...
Interviewer Who were the tall people?
Sir Robert I'm afraid I don't know.
Interviewer Who's that very tall tribe in Africa?
Sir Robert Well, this is hardly archaeology.
Interviewer The Watutsi! That's it - the Watutsi! Oh, that's the tribe, some of them were eight foot tall. Can you imagine that. Eight foot of Watutsi. Not one on another's shoulders, oh no - eight foot of solid Watutsi. That's what I call tall.
Sir Robert Yes, but it's nothing to do with archaeology.
Interviewer (knocking Sir Robert's vase to the floor) Oh to hell with archaeology!
Kastner Can I please speak! I came all the way from Oslo to do this program! I'm a professor of archaeology. I'm an expert in ancient civilizations. All right, I'm only five foot ten. All right my posture is bad, all right I slump in my chair. But I've had more women than either of you two! I've had half bloody Norway, that's what I've had! So you can keep your Robert Eversley! And you can keep your bloody Watutsi! I'd rather have my little body... my little five-foot-ten-inch body... (he breaks down sobbing)
Sir Robert Bloody fool. Look what you've done to him.
Interviewer Don't bloody fool me.
Sir Robert I'll do what I like, because I'm six foot five and I eat punks like you for breakfast.
Sir Robert floors the interviewer with a mighty punch. Interviewer looks up rubbing his jaw.
Interviewer I'll get you for that, Eversley! I'll get you if I have to travel to the four corners of the earth!
Crash of music. Music goes into theme and film titles as for a Western.