"REPORTING FOR DUTY SAH!!!"

Sgt Kat cooly looked the new recruit up and down.

"At ease soldier, no need for the formalities here."

"Phew, thank heavens for that" replied Private Davinia the Gnome, releasing her full 40" beer belly from its tentative grip and slowly scratching her beard. "What can I do to help the cause?"

"Well...." Kat deliberated "Can you play bohran/bongos/guitar/concertina/accordian (delete as appropriate)?"

"No, but I can sink a gallon of Boddies, make stupid remarks, fall over and fart to order"

"Hmmm, interesting. I think I could use a double agent. Do you think you could loose the high heels, skirt and make up? Make a worse job of shaving your legs? Grow the beard a bit longer?"

"Brrrrp" Belched Davinia. "Reckon so"

Kats face beamed with a devious grin. "There is this organisation we have been trying to infiltrate for years. How are you at leaping up and down, waving hankies and jingling bells.....?"

(Discalimer: Any resemblance to persons living, dead, or gnomishly masquerading as women is entirely coincidental. Prosecutors will be violated.)