It is an ancient Mariner, And he stoppeth one of three. "By thy long grey beard and glittering eye, Now wherefore stopp'st thou me?
"The Bridegroom's doors are opened wide, And I am next of kin; The guests are met, the feast is set: May'st hear the merry din."
He holds him with his skinny hand; "Take thou this CD-ROM; Look at me now and know my name: Ancientmariner.com
Our course was set across the net," The old man told his tale, The good ship Internet Explorer Weighed anchor and set sail.
With sloping masts and dipping prow We headed south, quoth he - Our sails were full, our modem fast - Across the rolling sea,
And far astern, a distant speck, The home page departed from..... Till the gods browsed and selected Ancientmariner.com
The wedding guests, they chose me And they cursed me then because I'd happ'ed upon the web site Of a man called Albert Ross.
He was noted for his wingspan And his wanderings as well. He had a Power Mac; His ISP was AOL.
Oh gods ye could have chosen Any Harry, Dick or Tom; You moved your mouse and clicked on Ancientmariner.com
My PC crashed, my cursor froze, No sight, nor sound nor motion, As idle as a painted ship Upon a painted ocean.
Water, water everywhere, Nor any drop to drink My RAM was full of spam And my printer's out of ink.
Oh wedding guests, I searched for peace, I cut and pasted 'Om' In MS Word, but no one heard Ancientmariner.com
I swung the mouse hard starboard But the helm did not respond; My com port was disconnected; Only blackness lay beyond
I gazed into despair, I drifted helpless to defeat; I spake the sad man's mantra: control alt delete.
Wedding guests, go to my home page, Say goodbye to Dad and Mom; Tell my friends I'm out there somewhere...... Ancientmariner.com
Les Barker
I listened to the recording by Ian MacMillan on the Guide Cats for the Blind CD and made several corrections to the lyrics I found at people.exeter.ac.uk/jrwright. Of course, it's possible that the other source has the actual Lex Baxter lyrics. Is there a melody for this? MacMillan does it as a recitation. -Joe-