Boy oh boy, are they at it up at the Legion Hovel. Seems like they're taking their politics pretty darn seriously: Liberal vs. Tory, Whig vs. Federalist, Socialist vs. Communist, Labor vs. Labour (it's a spelling dispute), Independents against everybody else.

Totty McIntyre smashed Belle Smarts over the head with an oak barstool because Totty thought Belle's husband was messing around with Vera Smallstack, only it turned out to be Totty's boyfriend who also happens to be Vera's fiance. As she smacked Belle, Totty said, "That'll fix you, you blood-sucking Tory!" But when the dust settled Totty and Belle were crying in each others' arms and passing around a bottle of Golden Anniversary blended whiskey.

Big Tim Little was fending off everyone who dared assail his position on the 54-40 question with a fire extinguisher. Free Silver is another big issue, especially with the cowboy community, which is very well represented. The city ambulances are working shifts up to the Emergency Room -- the last ride contained Blinky Blackenstrap who was somehow hit on the head by a barrel full of beer; the medics think that it being Blinky no damage has been done except to the beer.

Fortunately, the CG required that all firearms, brass knuckles, dirks, dagger, switchblades, razors, explosives, slingshots, belt buckles, suspenders, and "all similar items, of whatever sort, type, composition, or potential or actual use" be checked at the armored car conveniently parked outside the door every election night.