Why I am better than everybody else.
by Henry Gibson, a/k/a Black Bart dba Bartholomew

I am always reasonable and consider both sides of the question before weighing in with my carefully thought out, politically correct commentary
I am never boring or pedantic
I always get the joke
I never question the motives of honest folk
I always recognize honest folk instantly
I never stray from the question at hand
I always answer the direct questions with a direct answer
I always suggest new and imaginative directions in which to take the open questions
I am very polite
I proofread
I don't get upset when other people don't follow my example
I always walk at least a mile in the other guys shoes and then pay for the wear and tear to his/her shoe leather
I never use vulgarity because it sounds so focking bad
Doggone it
Never mind