Well, no, Shame. It's just that I am required by law to wear a mask when I go out because if I don't women become instantly aroused by its display of masculine good looks. Then they either crawl all over my body or swoon. When I was just a lad I could break up marriages of fifty years standing just by being glimpsed as I walked down the road. Ladies young and old, rich and poor, threw themselves at me, begging me to "pleasure them".

I understand you have the same standing legal order, to wear a mask when you go out. I understand that it started the moment you were born and it's going to continue after you're dead. The difference is that you have to wear it all the time because if you don't clocks stop, mirrors break, and if you look at a train it derails. People have to be admitted to hospital because of violent gagging and non-stop vomiting. And I've heard that even the masks are starting to reject you, just like a facial transplant would.