Marion,

You sound meticulous. That can be useful, if you don't let it block you. I consider "rules" building materials, and not "no-no's". Some rules can seem to contradict other rules, and it's up to you and your ear to sort out what you want to use. You gotta be the final judge, rather than depend on a teacher or another creature to select what ingredients you want to use to construct your music. Sure, it sounds amorphous, but how very nice to have a selection!

If you want to know my opinion (and you may not want my opinion), it is: Listen much and carefully. Take sharp notice of the sounds that thrill you, and figure out how they're made, then practice them. When you have them under control, experiment with them, and take careful notice of whatever creeps into your own playing that you like, either by design or by accident. It's up to you to develop an esthetic. My dearest core-rule for myself is: avoid the gatekeepers at ALL COST. They'll spoil all your joy and turn you to dust. And that's NOT what music is about!

You have to be the somebody who confirms or denies your thesis. And, since you say, "...it is what my ear seems to be telling me..." follow your ear. It's the only one you have. Do it; you'll reassess it unavoidably.

Adios,

Hedy West