Ivan Potschjinski Skidar

The rain in Ukraine it falls on the plain,
Over steppes that stretch boundless and far,
But the loneliest man who steps in that land
Is Ivan Potschjinski Skidar.
He once was a toff in old Chernigov,
Where his fathers had fought for the Czar;
But the shame was quite final in a public urinal,
Of Ivan Potschjinski Skidar.

He had just sought relief, when to his disbelief,
His money fell out of his grasp;
He dived down the chute to fish out his loot,
Did Ivan Potschjinski Skidar.
He was fresh out of luck for there he was stuck,
With his arm in grip held so fast
That he feared the U-bend would soon be the end
Of the line of the noble Skidars.

From a final retirement he was saved by the firemen
Of Chernigov, Kiev and afar;
Who drilled through the plumbing to avert an end unbecoming
To Ivan Potschjinski Skidar.
But though he was scorched by the flame of the torch,
The wound was not such a deep scar
As the shame and the blame that came on the name
Of Ivan Potschjinski Skidar.

For internet blogs from Kiev to Dnepropretovsk,
Spread the news of his deeds wide and far,
He could not endure how the scent of the sewer
Stuck to the name of Skidar.
In Lviv and in Kharkov his name bore the mark of
News that was strange and bizarre;
He would gladly have given yea more than two million hryvnia
To restore the good name of Skidar.

His family and wife fled away from the strife,
Siberia could not be too far;
Where their cheeks flush with fear if ever they hear,
The name Ivan Potschjinski Skidar.
While out on the plain in the steppes of Ukraine,
By the light of the pale evening star,
One man may be seen in a hovel so mean;
'Tis Ivan Potschjinski Skidar.

Matthew Edwards

The original Ivan Potschjinski Skidar first appeared in a song written by Percy French in 1877 while French was still a student at Trinity College Dublin. French sold the rights to the song for £5, and lived to see it much altered and attributed to many other authors. Although the song became hugely popular French never earned any royalties from its success. I have often wondered if the noble Russian hero celebrated by Percy French ever had any descendants; thanks to mousethief's Challenge happily I am now able to supply some of the missing history.