Where do SW and one or two others get the idea that we will have anything more than a cat in hell's chance of ignoring the great occasion? There'll be union jacks everywhere you look and every town, village and hamlet in the country will be awash with para-military parades.

The newspapers will be full of it. It will be broadcast simultaneously on BBC1, BBC News24, ITV, Sky News and myriads of other channels. Every pub in the land will be showing it on tv. The radio news channels will be choked to the vent with royal news coverage. It will be the number one talking point of all the empty headed numbskulls who normally have nothing else to fill up their lives but celebrities and reality tv.

It will come streaming down the internet, and the likelyhood is it will come oozing up through the floorboards and down the chimney. If the truth were known, I won't even be able to take a bath without royal wedding water pouring out of the taps.

You will have about as much chance of avoiding this event as Winston Smith had of avoiding Big Brother.