Steve, I've been trying to think of something to say. I'm not religious, so I really can't approach the discussion from that angle - there are others better qualified. As far as you having been harsh with others, we all do that, and those of us who have any compassion at all eventually realize it and apologize. It's part of being a human - even a very good human.

Now, about the choice you have to make. Again, I'm not religious, but I would think if I were, I'd say God doesn't make us love something that would make the world a better place, and expect us to ignore that thing or deny our love. (That's pretty much what Joe and Max said earlier in this thread.) I'm not sure whether your choice is between music/preaching or staying in one place/traveling. Have you thought about how you could do both things you wanted to do, and not have to choose one over the other?