And, by the way, GP, I also read in your posting that you used to be a "drunkard and abuser of social drugs like ciggies," and I wanted to address that just briefly. Having been pulled from a few fires and off the edges of a few precipices in my time, I understand the desire to "pay back" the force that delivered us. However, I don't know that the only acceptable currency is to be a minister in a church, or an evangelist or whatever. If that were the case, everyone in AA would need to be a preacher.

There are ways to pay the debt your soul feels in ways that free you and provide liberation for others ... Max was sort of kidding, but consider what a boon and a blessing the Mudcat is to all of us, and what would be lost if he decided he needed to quit and serve the Creator in some more traditional way. Maybe what you have to offer will be some combination of preaching and music, or maybe you'll make music so sublime people are drawn higher just listening. But I don't think that having been pulled out of the swamp means we have to suffer forever and ever Amen in order to pay back. Maybe being happy and fulfilled more than erases the deficit.

One thing I do try to be mindful of is my amazing situation as a successful, self-sufficient, relatively financially blessed, relatively personally fulfilled professional woman in 21st century North America. I know my life is FAR from perfect, and that I have much work to do personally, professionally, spiritually. But I also know that I occupy a very special place in human history and that few women in the world have a life or have had lives as free of pain and suffering as mine. I don't take that as a reason why I should find ways to suffer, in solidarity or some such, but as a reminder to be mindful and grateful and to celebrate as much as I can in their behalf as well as in my own.

WyoWoman, Charter Member of the Church of the Holy Eclectic and the Most Splendid Wow!