New Year's Resolutions (The realistic kind)

With the close of a year, many "resolve" to improve on their outlook for the new year, but many are impossible dreams and are left unrealized.

Here are some more realistic New Year's Resolutions:

1. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.

4. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.

5. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as rewarding.

6. I am at one with my duality.

7. A scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.

8. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.

9. I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!"

10. I will no longer waste my time reliving the past; I will spend it worrying about the future.