Many years ago, during a similar crisis, the Gaelic Goddess penned this song purely on behalf of the Great Flatulent Spaw, which I tender here with great affection:

It's In His Heart
(words by çine Cooke; music by A. Jessup)
D                   D                        G
How do we value a man, after all?
D                   D                      A
Why do we love him, and answer his call?
D                                                       G
Oh, where do we look for the mark of his worth?
D                                  A                           D
Or the reason that he is here, walking this earth?

D         Em    G
It's in his heart,
D                  A
It's in his heart,
D                                    Em
There's no other place to start,
A                   D
It's in his heart.

D                   D                                          G
Can you sum up a man by the coin that he holds?
D                   D                      A
Or whether he's young, whether he's old?
D                   D                                          G
Have you ever pondered the compass that guides
D                   D                                 A
To follow the straight path, wherever it lies?

D         Em    G
It's in his heart,
D                  A
It's in his heart,
D                                    Em
There's no other place to start,
A                   D
It's in his heart.

(Bridge)
Em                      F#m                Em                F#m
Oh, look in his eyes, they're bright and they're true,
Em                      F#m       G             A
No matter what colour, they're looking at you,
Em                      F#m          Em            F#m
And what do you see, when you look deep inside?
    C          C             A               A
A man full of love, honour and pride.

D         Em    G
It's in his heart,
D                  A
It's in his heart,
D                                    Em
There's no other place to start,
A                   D
It's in his heart.

D         Em    G
It's in his heart,
D                  A
It's in his heart,
D                                        Em
The soul that canÕt be torn apart,
A                           D
It's in his heart.