Sorry about that, I dropped an "r" in the break.
There are strange things done in the bread section
By the men who shop for buns
The crumbs leave trails
That speak of lost sales
Clearly something must be done.
The market lights have seen queer sights
But the queerest they ever did see
Was the day Sam, spouse of Marge,
Was busted and charged
In The Takedown in Aisle Three.

Now Sam, you see, was from down in Yardley,
A quiet Pennsylvania town
How it got in his head to mess with the bread
Is a story that needs written down.
Like some baby boomers, he was just a consumer,
Attracted and smitten by labels
Though he'd often say in a pensive way
"I feel the need to crush a few bagels."

One Saturday as Marge made her way
Through the morning shopping throngs
Sam slipped away to the Twinkie display
Right next to the vanilla Ding-Dongs.
Heart beat a fast clip, beads of sweat on his lip
Over his hands he had no control
He could not resist, unclenching his fist
Sam digitally examined a roll.

The tension abated, urge temporarily sated,
But over time his compulsion grew stronger.
Sam's trips to the store became more and more
And at the bakery he'd linger longer.
He'd stand transfixed and amazed , eyes like donuts, o'er glazed,
And survey the assortment before him.
Cookies, loafs buns and cakes gave him trembles and shakes
And Sam lost all sense of decorum.

Not a baked good escaped being squeezed and reshaped
By Sam's prodding fingers and thumbs
If he had his will, he'd be feeling buns still,
But for the prints, and the trail of crumbs.
The baker had his suspicions, and closed circuit television
Helped to identify Sam as the guy
Who'd abused the baked items, more woe betide him,
The SWAT team was called by and by.

All the Giant clients agree the scene in aisle three
Was like nothing they'd ever witnessed
The cops were later praised for their tact,
Their compassion, and physical fitness.
After the arrest, Sam looked depressed
In the squad car for the first couple blocks
But his animosity towards the cops turned brotherly,
When he saw next to him, a dozen donuts, on the seat, in a box.