Well, if you're sure about that...

Well, I'm just feeling very unappreciated right now.

RANT:

I'm the person who started the whole Brass Quintet off, and we've earned more money for the Orchestra in the past year than the whole Orchestra has for the past three years, but one of the Trumpet players got an award for 'helping' make that happen, and I merely got a small verbal nod, only because I have been struggling with personal and health problems and was constantly late for rehearsals.

The conductor takes it personally that I have problems, and blames me for it all.

When they need a soloist for a community event, who volunteers? Me. When they need posters designed, who volunteers? Me.
I've arranged music for them, done clerical work, written music especially for the Brass, and that is good.
But I'm completely taken for granted.

And if I make an extra effort, I can get to the performance on time.
And I do a d*amn good job of it, too.

I recently got a part-time job so that I can pay for medical treatments, and I am having an allergic reaction to several things in my workplace. So my energy level is rather low.
And now the conductor is emotionally abusing me because I can't be at a fundraiser on saturday for a trip we're taking later this year. (And probably because I didn't leap at doing the posters for the fundraiser, even though my printer isn't working properly right now.) She said that if I don't attend the event, I will have to pay for going on the trip myself. You think I can spare anything from food, clothing, medication, RENT, phone, internet? If I pay for the trip, I don't get any treatments in the next 2 months. That's not what I got the job FOR! Now I don't want to go on the stupid trip. Not bloody likely. Especialy not with THAT attitude on her part. I just can't deal with that right now!

I am seriously thinking of leaving, and it grieves me.
And the horn that I have belongs to the conductor, and if I leave, pffft! No horn.

I LOVE French Horn.

I don't belong with that group, they're too bound by rules and conventionality to see what's in front of their focking noses!

And I don't have the energy to deal with "blame-the-victim" attitudes right now.

END RANT.

Sorry if this post was too much of a bummer,
hesperis
Brassfire
You can listen to midi files of some of the music I've arranged by following the link above. The trumpets sound wierd and I haven't figured out why yet, so if you have a good music program, download them, and fiddle with soundfonts before playing.