I couldn't find these lyrics on the web, so here they are, transcribed from You Tube.


I'M GOIN' TO RIDE TO HEAVEN ON A STREAMLINED TRAIN
As recorded by Wilf Carter on Bluebird 5871, 1935.

(yodel)

Well, everything's a-changin' as the days go rollin' by.
Believe I'm gettin' old and I know I soon must die.
Always ridin' box-cars, forever on the roam,
Where'er I hang my hat to me is home, sweet home.

Well, I been kinda watchin' all them new designs.
Trains look like a bullet; she suits me mighty fine.
I'm goin' to crawl aboard her when she heads out for fame.
I'm gonna ride to heaven on a streamlined train.

I met a guy named Jolson who's good to ride a mule.
To all the folks that know him, he's a reg'lar singin' fool.
Well, I ain't takin' chances; I've ev'rything to gain.
I'm goin' to ride to heaven on a streamlined train.

There'll be no cops to bother; there'll be no fires to stoke,
And if you don't like my shootin', you don't have to smell my smoke,
'Cause I'm a-sittin' pretty, boys; I'm on the trail of fame.
I'm gonna ride to heaven on a streamlined train.

Oh, I'm gonna ride to heaven on a streamlined train.
Gonna crawl aboard her whether sunshine or rain.
Four and three is seven; six and five's eleven.
I'm gonna ride to heaven on a streamlined train.

I'll bet when old Saint Peter gazes up the trail,
He'll pull his old white whiskers and start a-growin' pale.
He'll brush the cobwebs from his eyes and wonder if he's sane
When he sees me a-comin' on a streamlined train.

(yodel)

He'll grant me fair admittance; I'll take his shakin' hand.
Says he: “I think you'll like it, boy; the weather here is grand.”
I ask him: “How's the bummin'?” Says he: “You can't complain.
I'm glad I rode to heaven on a streamlined train.”

We started on to heaven; oh what a gorgeous place!
There was not a soul a-workin', no need to wash my face.
'Twas then I spied the devil a-standin' by the gate,
A-waitin' for some victim who'd surely meet his fate.

He kinda looks me over; a scowl come o'er his face.
Says he: “I ain't got room for the sinner in my place.
They'll make me lose my business, they'll bind me up in chains
When people ride to heaven on a streamlined train.”

I heared a feller yodelin' way down there below.
Says he: “That's where the crooners and all the yodelers go.”
I said I felt contented, and didn't care for fame,
Although I rode to heaven on a streamlined train.”

(yodel)