Bassackwards, "is shit scared before you flush it down" "She couldn't even boil water right" "Couldn't hold a candle to him"

the whole nine yards is a fabric term I believe

"take a dive in a rolling doughnut"
"you couldn't find your head if it wasn't tacked on"
"your other left"
"a hambone in the dog pound" said of a former girlfriend...
"She lies like a rug"
"poring money down a rathole"
"why don't you find a nice busy street to play in?"
"take a long walk on a short pier"
"couldn't hit the broadside of a barn" "a few bricks short of a load" "not playing with a full deck" ...kinda dumb
Alright!!!!! ENOUGH!!!!!!!