I always liked, "Tighter than a bull's ass in fly time." Also, "Hotter than a popcorn fart." My partner and godd friend Denny used to say something was "Slicker than a mini's peter."

My Dad had this stupid litany of stuff he would drive you crazy with (yeah, its hereditary) such as, "Its colder in the country than it is in the winter." Now, if you said that to him, he'd respond, "What's that got to do with the price of tea in China?" Everytime it rained he asked, "Do you think the rain will hurt the rhubarb?" The correct response to this was, "Not if its in cans."

I come by it honestly folks.

Spaw