"up the proverbial polluted estuary, lacking the customary means of locomotion"....(learned that'n in college!)

rainin' like a cow pissin' on a flat rock.....

and im my family, one who was upset in various ways could be "in a snit",or "having a hissy"..(or even a "hissy-fit"),

and my dad used the curious "sick a-bed on two chairs"....not sure whether that meant very sick, or faking sick, or having to pretend you weren't sick....