That is an awful lot of words to deal with, S.!!!

I had an opening on Sunday. It occurred to me that although I have many bits of paper around with ideas and, also, partly started writings, I am not getting it done. Is it important? I went through the thought process of "If I wait for a clear leading, or to be "kicked by God", I might never get anything done. That Quaker saying, "way will open when I get out of my own way" is on my mind. Also the consideration of why we do things. The bank manager will not wait for a clear leading before one pays their mortgage! But, that aside, Why do I do things? What is important to me? Is this procrastination or simply a detour that I have been following? More the latter than the former, I believe.

I say, "I'm retired. I don't have to do anything!" That is largely true. However, I pay the few bills because it is necessary. I buy food and cook meals because I want Robin to be as healthy as possible (and me). I am actually learning to cook again after years of being alone, cooking healthy but bare essentials. R is willing to eat the same thing everyday, as am I, but, I have found, he enjoys different things also. So I, who used to cook for 25-50 with no effort, am re-looking at that aspect. The veggie chili has been a big hit, both at home and at the potluck. Encouragement - which we each need.

Today I printed out the recipe and put it in a plastic sleeve, with others, that were floating around loose, on the opposite side. And there was a page of cranberry recipes floating so I used another sleeve for those. And then put the sleeves and some other items where they are meant to live, where I will find them more easily next time.

Organized food stuffs in the K and some other items around the house, trying to get as organized as currently possible. Realized, not for the first time, the more I get done, the more I get done. The corollary is that the less I do, the less I feel like doing.

The K ceiling is closed in. I had to leave home on Saturday to avoid the dust so I shopped at the market and then read in the car. It was not too bad when I got home but we went out for supper so the dust could get sucked up by the air cleaner.

Sunday, Rob went to smooth the plaster and the dust gave me a headache in five minutes. I went ballistic. Realized that I perceive dust as "my worst enemy". I have been sicker from dust inhalation than anything else, by far. To the point where seeing dust on TV would make my gut start to knot and I had to talk to myself, "It's only on TV!"

The rest of Sunday was a relaxed day, after meeting, potluck and a meeting to consider the role of the clerk, we came home with a f/Friend who has become quite special to us and we just sat and talked, with tea and cheese and crackers. We agreed to do this more often. She was our first invited guest. We knew she could deal with our indoor camping, non-judgmentally.

I asked Rob to put off refining the plastering until we get to the actual "remodeling" of the K.

It occurs to me that I need to start thinking about what that new K could look like. Add this to the other tasks that I WANT to get done. Doing things because they are important to me, therefore, I need to do them because I want to do them. Because I will feel good - more contented, more fulfilled, more useful....

I thought this morning that I am waking up from a long nap. It is time to wake up and start pedaling instead of just coasting along. I might be around this land for another 20 years. I can't just sit and read novels! I can't because that is not the way I WANT to SPEND my life.

The last few days, I have had tolerable conversations with toxic bro who has stopped phoning too early and too late. I must email him and thank him.

Also, if I copy these posts to file, "Stuff of life", it will give me a handle on where I am right now when I come to write more for myself later.