This is one of a huge family of comic songs sung to the tune of 'Villikins and his Dinah', all of which share verses and stories; I've seen songs of this type around under lots of different names, including 'One Day in Kilkenny', 'Get Away', 'Uncle Jim', and 'Dorset is Beautiful'. The version I learned was from the Woodcraft Folk songbook (I was a member of the woodcraft folk when I was kid - it's a kind of socialist/cooperative/green scout movement for those not in the UK), and was called "Are you Mister Riley" - I subsequently learned a couple more rude verses from different versions of the song and added them onto what I knew from childhood.


ARE YOU MISTER RILEY?

Are you Mister Riley that keeps this Hotel?
Are you Mister Riley they speak of so well?
For if you're Mister Riley they speak of so highly
Then blimey O'Riley you are looking well

        Hold your own (Hold your own)
        What d'you say? (What d'you say?)
        For the cream of society lives down our way

There once was a man and his name was Lord Jim
He complained his wife threw tomatoes at him
Now tomatoes are soft and don't injure the skin
But this one it did, it was inside a tin

I went for a trip on the old underground
But I slid on the step and I fell to the ground
The vicar rushed up "" "Did you miss a step, son?"쳌
I said "No you daft bastard, I hit every one"쳌

Well one day I met a poor boy in the street
And saw that didn't have shoes on his feet
So I having plenty of money to spare
Went into the fruit shop and bought him a pear

Now Mary the milkmaid was milking a cow
But poor little Mary she didn't know how
She pulled on its tail instead of its tit
And all that she got was a bucket of shit

I called on my sweetheart, her name was Miss Brown
She was having a bath so she couldn't down
She said "I'll slip on something and be down in a tick"쳌
She slipped on the soap and she did come down quick

Well, one day I died and to heaven did go
And where did I come from they wanted to know
When I told them from Bootle it made them all stare
"Come in,"쳌 said Saint Peter, "you're the first one from there"쳌

(The penultimate line obviously is adapted to fit the place from which the singer hails)