The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #59418   Message #3092668
Posted By: Little Hawk
10-Feb-11 - 03:33 PM
Thread Name: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
Sheryl...much as I think you are pursuing an unattainable objective, akin to Don Quixote's assault upon the windmill or Ponce de Leon's futile search for the Fountain of Youth, I am moved by compassion (not to mention amusement), and I will give you what advice I can.

1. Forget it. Getting Shane to do the Right Thing is like the impossible dream. It would be like trying to milk a granite statue of a Brahma bull. Useless.

2. Why in the world did you have sex with him??? Were you conscious at the time?

3. You know where the Tim Horton's is in Blind River? I assume you do. Hang around there and he will show up. You might find him taking stuff out of the dumpster at the back if he's broke, which he often is. If not, you will find him at the counter, harassing the female staff and trying to get free donuts by claiming that there were mouse turds in the last one he ate from there.

4. Check with the local police. They are usually looking for him too.

5. Go to the garage where his brother Don works. I forget the name of it, but just ask around. Tell Don all about it. Raise flippin' hell. Don won't help you, but he may tell you where Shane is just so that you will go away and not bother him.

6. Go to their house. Just ask around, everyone knows where it is. It is the place where the backyard is full of dead cars and wrecked snowmobiles and piles of junk. There is a sign on the front door saying:

NO COPS ALLOWED!!!
(eccept for Ossifer Dana)

7. Spread the news around that you are very horny and you want MORE sex and you want it BAD!!! This could bring a lot of unwanted attention, I know, but it will also inevitably bring Shane. I guarantee it. Then you'll have him by the mungoberries! ;-)