For Spaw:
A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.

Three women, from England, Wales, and Scotland were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The English woman said "Have you ever had a hug?" The man said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The Welsh woman said, "Have you ever had a kiss?" The man said, "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The Scottish woman came to him and said, "'ave ya ever been fooked, laddie?" The man broke into a big smile and said, "No". She said, Aye, ya will be when the tide comes in."