It's always a little risky to share this sort of thing, but I see a lot of intimate sharing / vunerability going on in here, and to date no exploitation. That is impressive, in this society and culture! You reenforce my sense that us "creative, sensitive" types have a tendancy to be somewhat predisposed to afflictions of the psyche and tormentations of the soul... kind of the downside of "the gift", it seems. There have probably been all sorts of studies on this phenomenon, of which you may well know more than I. Chronic, Clinical depression is something I've dealt with pretty much all my life; there is considerable evidence for a genetic predisposition; an Uncle and my Father took themselves out, and I've come way too close for comfort on a number of occasions. Once diagnosed (at about age 45) it took years to arrive at a satisfactory medication and dosage - that being Imipramine HCL, a heavy-duty tricyclic antidepressant. The side effects wern't all that bad once I got used to 'em, and the aforementioned "eunich" thing, given my relational circumstances, was actually a good thing! Added to the mix was the later diagnosis of Adult Attention Deficiet Disorder ("ADD") again a probable lifetime issue that took way too long to get diagnosed and treated, but now I'm significantly more functional on regular medication (Ritalan). I wonder how many Musicians are ADD, too? Some time ago, my Pharmacy litteraly ran out of Tofranil (time-release Imipramine) and couldn't get any more. I "tapered off" with remaining supplies, but still went through some fairly unpleasant withdrawal symptoms including insomnia, muscle spasms and hallucinations (fun!). Having heard of a "natural" nutritional suppliment being used with some success in Europe for the past 20 years, currently over-the-counter in the US called "Sam-E", I decided that this was as good a time as any to check it out. I had tried St. John's Wort previously, and just didn't like it (aside from it's total lack of impact on symptoms). My "Shrink" was pretty open minded about it, but didn't think that Sam-E OR St.JsW were anything more than a "fad". The downside of Sam-E is that it ain't cheap; it goes for around $1 a pill, depending where you get it (I get "Nature-Made" @ Wal-Mart or SAM's Club) and the average dose is 2 or 3 tabs a day. I've been getting by with 1 or 2 a day for the past 8 months or so, and doing as well as I ever did on the RX stuff. I find that Sam-E is somewhat energizing; I seem to get more done and need less naps. Don't take it after noon, or you might be awake all night. There are several websites and articles available, and a couple of books are out - although the one I read reads more like an info-mercial than a clinical report. They also use it for arthritis, fibromyalgia, and some other things; almost too good to be true... but hey; it works for me! I opine that we are all unique and infinitely complex critters, and that what helps you might poison me, and vis-versa. To assume that any potion, therapy, or discipline is going to work consistantly or predictably with every Homo Sapiens it is applied to, is to controvert thousands of years of experience in the healing arts and probably expose at least one poor sap to some significant risk.
Depression is an "invisable affliction"; sometimes I wish that I were bleeding someplace, or that my brokenness would show up on an X-ray so that people would believe the gawdawful pain that wracks my body, mind, and soul. As it is, all appearances indicate that our suffering is "made up", "all in our heads", or fabricated as an "excuse" for dysfunctional behavior, as an attempt to cover up some essential flaw of carachter or personality. Most folks seem to subscribe to the theory that "If you can't see it, it ain't real", and that certainly applies to the invisable crosses many of us are called upon to bear. I hear many here note that "Music is a lifeline"; it has been and continues to be one of my more crucial therapies as well. My little dogs have meant a lot too; I can be a complete jerk and loser all day, but when I come home... the dogs still love me, God bless 'em! Lets keep up the dialouge, Amigos. "We're all in this together" ("Red" GREENE)