You can hear this song at YouTube. Any corrections to my transcription would be appreciated.


MY WIFE'S SISTER'S PUSSY CAT
As sung by Harry Champion

1. One night about a week ago I had a very funny job.
My old woman's sister said she would present me with a bob,
Took me in her confidence and told me after that
She'd let me have another if I drowned her pussycat.
Off I went to do it in the twinkle of an eye,
Put the money in my .... Pussy had to die.
When I went to settle him, found that I'd been had.
She never said a word about the cat was raving mad.
Talk about a pussycat having nine lives!
This old tom had ninety.
Underneath the water then I hit him with a mop.
Then I got another pail and bung it on the top.
When I thought I'd settled him, I went and had a look.
There I found the bounder sitting on the mat.
With a twinkle in his eye, said he didn't mean to die.
Well, the bucket it was empty for he drank the water dry
Did my wife's sister's pussycat.

2. I had to call the lodger down. He is a thirsty(?) volunteer.
He was rocky on his fins. He was full of ginger beer.
Once he said he'd settled him and nabbed him by the thrag(?).
Then between the pair of us we dumped him in a bag.
Pulling out his ... then he smashed it in the ear.
In the bag he made a tear. Pussy wasn't there.
When I went to look for him, he put me in a bog(?).
I went to jab him with a fork but stuck it in the dog.
Talk about a pussycat having nine lives!
This old tom had ninety.
Running up the water spout he very quickly fled
Through the window where the missus she had gone to bed.
The lodger made a mess of it and tumbled in the room,
And the missus shouted out, "Whatever's that?"
Scrambled underneath the bed, pulled her clothes around her head.
The lodger he was tugging at the hair upon her head
For my wife's sister's pussycat.

3. I went and left the lodger there to settle matters with the wife,
Followed up the pussycat. I meant to have his very life.
After looking high and low, was trying to give it best(?).
I found him in the hen's room sitting on the nest.
I was ... for what to do, so went and got a gun,
Took it in the chicken run. Pussy thought it fun.
Bang went the bullet. He defied the shot and shell.
He only laughed when ..., and said, "You rung the bell?"
Talk about a pussycat having nine lives!
This old tom had ninety.
In between the mangles then I tried to do him in.
The missus came and collared me and said it was a sin.
Brought a puddin' what she made a week or two before,
I said, "Let pussy have a go at that."
Well, pussy had a sniff, ate the pudding in a jiff,
Dropped his paws(?) upon the mat and done a kick and he was stiff
Did my wife's sister's pussycat.