I couldn't find a complete recording of this song online. The best I could find was a medley that contained an abbreviated form of it. You can hear the medley at YouTube. This is the third song in the medley, after I'M HENERY THE EIGHTH I AM and COVER IT OVER QUICK, JEMIMA:


THE END OF MY OLD CIGAR
As sung by Harry Champion

VERSE 1: Twenty Christmases ago, the landlord at the Star
Said, "Here's a Christmas box for you, a nine-penny cigar."
I smoked it up till Easter then my dear devoted wife
Said, "Why don't you throw the end away?" Said I, "Not on your life!"

CHORUS 1: With the end of me old cigar, hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!
I stroll up Piccadilly and they fancy I'm the Shah.
It isn't because I'm handsome or that I'm a la-di-dah.
I tickle the three-percenters(?) with the end of my old cigar.

VERSE 2: The other Whitsun Monday we all toddled to the zoo.
I puffed away at my cigar and I choked a kangaroo.
The monkey started coughing and the tiger had to sneeze,
But when the elephant said he ... if you please.

CHORUS 2: With the end of me old cigar, hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!
I tickled up the elephants that came from Zanzibar.
"Oh, what a funny trunk(?) he's got," said my wife's dear mama.
"That isn't the elephant's trunk(?)," said I. "It's the end of my old cigar."


Notes:

I have no idea what a "three-percenter" was (possibly spelled "three per center" since "per cent" was usually spelled as two words in those days) and I haven't found any convincingly relevant information. Is it possible I'm mishearing it?

I inserted "trunk" into chorus 2 because that's what he seems to mean but I'm fairly sure that is not the word he sings. Any ideas what he really sings?

Oh, and I'm not interested, at this point, in what other people sing; I want to know what Harry Champion sang. I think his was the original recording. I want to hear from people who have actually listened to the Harry Champion recording, so they can tell me what they hear.