The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #136028   Message #3104989
Posted By: jacqui.c
01-Mar-11 - 11:02 AM
Thread Name: BS: Dealing with 'Unreasonable' People
Subject: RE: BS: Dealing with 'Unreasonable' People
Sometimes you have to agree to disagree - I've told that to people in the past and refused to discuss the matter further. Walking away is sometimes necessary, so is knowing that, whatever you say, it isn't going to change what is going to happen.

A few years ago the firm I worked for decided that they were going to relocate us from local offices, close to the homes of the majority of workers, to the City of London, which would mean longer commutes and more cost for everyone. as a cosmetic measure we were all invited, in small groups, for a 'discussion' with a senior manager, about the change. Now, for myself and one other in my group, after a basic discussion, we knew that this was a done deal and, no matter what was said we would either have to travel or resign. One woman, however, really thought that if she could get her point across to this guy she could change things. We all sat there for about three-quarters of an hour while they went through a very circular discussion on the merits of the scheme. Didn't change a thing.

I think the Nun's Prayer should be required learning for all.

On the 'Cat I try just to give my opinion and then let things ride, unless I have something relevant to add to the conversation. That's why I don't post so much. When people get abusive and rude, that's the time to bail out, walk away and just ignore it. At that point the discussion has become an argument and reason has gone.

In a physical situation caution is necessary. I would still try to walk away from someone behaving in an unreasonable manner. When I've had to do this the mantra is "If he doesn't attack me physically there's no problem, if he does I'll have him for assault". It has worked for me on a couple of occasions, once when I made a drunken guy put out the cigarette that he had lit up on a non smoking train. Sometimes we have to, at least, give the illusion of strength and it is surprising how that can work.

I have known for many years that I have a violent temper and have tried to make sure, mostly successfully, that I don't lose it. It is possible to control our behaviour, if we really want to.