'Obviously the answer here lies in a compromise, and I would suggest the compulsory ignition of all extraneous bodily gases immediately upon exit'

Don't think so. There was this guy at at college called Pete, and Pete used to light his farts - usually with great success and to wild applause. However, on this one occasion, he did it full on - no underpants!

Well you can guess the rest. The inevitable ensued - Pete got blowback. All the hair on his bollocks was badly singed and we had to take him to hospital with internal burning. Pete said he could feel it in there, but the hospital was unsympathetic - it was late at night, you see, and to be honest - we all thought it was funny and were laughing like trains.

So go careful out there - as cat Stevens says, its a wild world.