My seeing eye cat was at the computer giggling, so I had to see what the fuss was about. Gee whiskers, I must say I am impressed with the quality and expedititity of the creativity here in these threads. Being short on original ideas myself, I unabashadly plagiarized a song about a blind pinball player, who, coincidentally, might quite possibly have lived near, or heard of, Hove, if he was indeed an actual historical figure.My deepest and sincerest apologies to Peter Townsend, whose work deserves better.

Ever since I was a young boy
I've watched strippers short and tall
From Soho down to Brighton
I must have seen them all
But I ain't seen nothin like it
In any burlesque hall
That Hove, East Sussex blind guy
Sure gets to have a ball

He sits down at the table
The dancers do the rest
They take his lucky hands
And hold them to their breasts
The sighted ones among us
Get no such treat at all
That Hove, East Sussex blind guy
Sure gets to have a ball

He's a smiling blind man
It's just a little much
We can only look
But he's allowed to touch

Why does he get to do that?
(I don't know)
What makes him so good?

An act of legislation
Signed in Hove Council Hall
Allows unsighted persons
To experience it all
Their retinal cells malfunction
So the fingers get the call
That Hove, East Sussex blind guy
Sure gets to have a ball

The dancer is not threatened
Nay, she's happily alive
When he puts a hundred in her garter
Thinking its a five

Now all of the fellows
Are having their eyes checked
The local ophthalmologists
Are professionally perplexed
Not a patient read the eyechart
With any success at all
Now all the men in Hove
Sure get to have a ball

So we're smiling blind men
It's just a little much
Looking is so dreary
When you're allowed to touch