I found this at the "message board" (forum) of Make 'Em Laugh! (monologues.co.uk). Apparently the distinction between a song and a monologue is kinda fluid.


THE COSTER'S MANSION
Sung by Gus Elen

1. I've oft 'eard abaht the lovely mansions
Wot yer sees when up the West End way.
I've 'eard, wot wiv improvements and expansions,
They've a fresh and brand-new room for ev'ry day.
Well, I've a pretty mansion in the New Cut.
It's a place built in the werry latest line.
We've a room for ev'ry feed,
And a score we doesn't need.
It's a knock-aht, is this domicile o' mine.

CHORUS: If yer wants ter see me dining-room,
Or step into me parlour,
Or me orfice where I contracts all my biz,
If yer wants ter see me bedroom,
Or the place we calls the larder,
Why, you've only got to stay just where you is.

2. The missis 'as a bood-war for retiring,
And of evenings, when my daily graft is done,
I've a study, so what more are we requiring?
And yut our private rooms are boaf as one.
The moke 'e gets 'is grub up in a corner.
I shoves the barrer underneaf the bed.
At the mansion, plain to you,
We've a stable, coach-'ouse too,
And the size of it's enough to turn your 'ead.

CHORUS: If yer wants to view the kitchen
Where we cooks the eels and kippers,
Or where I counts the proceeds o' my biz,
Or peep into the barf-room
While the missis baves the nippers,
Why, you've only got to stop just where you is.

3. Like the nobs, I've got an 'eap of pictures,
Well, any kind o' subject as you'd choose.
They ain't exactly class; their sorts o' mixtures,
As I've taken from the "Lustrated News"—
And I've a lovely place for ducks and chickens
In one corner, such a lovely plot of grass.
I walks round it in the dark,
Then I finks I'm in Hyde Park,
Which makes me fancy I'm kind of class.

CHORUS: If yer steps into my entrance 'all
An' wants ter send yer card in
To tell me what's yer name, and what's yer biz,
If yer wants ter see my duck-pond,
Or ter walk arahnd me garden,
Why, you've only got to stop just where you is.


[Funny, it doesn't include the biggest part of what I posted earlier. I guess I mistakenly conflated another song with the one we wanted. ]