Found at Bill Hanks' web site - Click to play an mp3 file. Here's my transcription:


JOHN WILLIE'S FARM
Words and music by Robert Hargreaves, Stanley J. Damerell & Harry Tilsley, ©1932.
As sung by Gracie Fields

Near Wigan Pier our John Willie has a farm,
Not a good farm; it's a ...(?) farm.
There's nothing right; ev'rything is simply daft.
It's a mad farm. It's a bad farm.

Where are the cows? In the woodshed.
Where is the wood? In the cowshed.
There's a place for nowt and nowt in its place
On our John Willie's farm.
Where are the fowls? In the coal-house.
Where are the coals? In the fowl-house.
There's a place for nowt and nowt in its place
On our John Willie's farm.

They walk on crazy paving in the soft and barmy air.
The barn roof has a tile lost and stable's not all there.

Where are beans? Up in the pea-sticks.
Where are the peas? Up the bean-sticks.
There's a place for nowt and nowt in its place
On our John Willie's farm.

Where is the corn? In the hayfield.
Where is the hay? In the cornfield.
There's a place for nowt and nowt in its place
On our John Willie's farm.
Where is the flour? In the dustbin.
Where is the dust? In the flour bin.
There's a place for nowt and nowt in its place
On our John Willie's farm.

The potting shed's gone potty, and believe me, it's a fact.
All the hops are up the pole, and the windows, too, are cracked.

Where are the flowers? At the dog show.
Where are the dogs? At the flower show.
There's a place for nowt and nowt in its place
On our John Willie's farm.