Funny, I keep hearin' these strange noises from the peanut gallery. Sounds like someone ate somethin' that didn't agree with him and is havin' a serious digestive problem. Waugh! That sounds real ugly. Doesn't smell too good either. Peee-YOOO!!! I think it's time to move upwind.

Okay. Women. Another worthy subject. There ain't a day goes by that I don't find my mind dwellin' on women. Back in the day, we used to call 'em "dames", but that term has gone outta style. Too bad.

Anyways, whether you call 'em women...or dames...you gotta treat 'em right. If you don't, everything goes to shit real fast. Trust me. You gotta remember their names, and their birthdays, anniversaries, all that kinda stuff, and you gotta send 'em flowers and candy now and then when somethin' like that comes along. Always be courteous and chivalrous. Open doors, get her coat, pour her a drink, tip yer hat, that sorta thing.

But there is one absolutely vital thing, no matter what the situation is if it involves a dame. You gotta make her think it's her idea! If you succeed in that, you can count on things to go pretty smooth. If she thinks it ain't her idea...faggedaboudit! They're real stubborn, see? And they got expectations. It's up to you to fill them expectations as best you can.

- Chongo