With Sears over the years
it' been a head noddin' problem
Their Craftsman line's s'posed to be guaranteed fine
But it's just the hand tools they be fobbin'

If you buy Craftsman plugs in that don't start
You might could be up the creek
The rule be buy nothin' from Sears
That has moving parts, or that can leak.

And before someone goes after me for self-righteously defaming a proper name, let me back my poesy up with my 'sperience.

I recently returned a forty year old ratchet wrench that had 'gone solid' and Sears cheerfully got me a brand new equivalent, though they would not let me keep the busted one.

But going back for years has been my experience that Sears can't be trusted to provide quality on first go. I'll never forget getting my first electric typewriter. It was of course a Sears branded Smith Corona, just like my mom's only mine would have a button powered return! And the Sears brown coloring was better for a male than the Smith Corona's blue pastel. This was my big birtday present (In fact, I think it was Hanukah and my birthday, and possibly my brother's birthday rolled into one). This was a MAJOR deal, in fact we had to pre-order it and pick it up in the store at a special place where one normally goes to get furniture and bridal sets. But, one among us four (I remember it as me but...) suggested we actually open the box and get out the typewriter and find a Sears receptacle and plug it in and turn it on, and - prove that it works. What a concept. Challenging the minor gods of commerce! Well, I think the fact that we were all there and the idea was so damned daring and it would be a family thing, we did it! We cracked that box, got the typewriter out of its case, pulled off all the little pieces that the factory puts in to show you how they protected this fresh piece of Amurrikan manufacture just off the line, and we find some space, I think it was in the shoe section, where we could find a receptacle.

Plugged it in, flipped the little wheel on the right side of the unit -

And nothing happened!

SEARS HAD SOLD US A BUM TYPEWRITER!

Anyhow, we marveled out how our daring had saved us an unpleasant surprise at home, which would have been a sad affair. Discovering at the mall made it a kind of adventure.

Years later when the Craftsman router that my brother and I had jointly purchased from Sears failed (more than a year old, less than two years, lightly used, a cast metal bit retainer simply broke off and it became a chore to adequately secure the cutting tools to the spindle) I was to find no support from Sears. We had an expensive boat anchor.

A good friend of mine developed a slight antipathy to the name when a salesman called his mother's home as she was mourning the death of his father. After insisting he talk to the mother and being denied, he said "I just want to remind her that Sears sells tombstones!"

I still shop at Sears. Some of their sales personnel right now are cute. And I STILL mind the moving parts rule!