What happens can't always be dealt with by beating someone up. I was bullied for most of my childhood. There were ringleaders, but pretty soon, mostly all of the kids are on board with the bullying. They're either part of it or they're ignoring what goes on.

I was told to ignore them. "Sticks and stones," and all that, but it didn't STOP anything. I learned that doing goofy things would at least get them to stop taunting and start laughing, even if it was at me.

I changed.

Things got better when I got older, but I'd learned some things I don't think I should have had to learn. I didn't trust people, and I didn't really like them either. There were kids who'd reached out a hand, and I was afraid they were doing it to fool me. I believed I had to act differently than my normal self to get along, and THAT stuck with me for most of my adult life. I felt like I was a monster, pretending to be human so the other humans didn't come after me with torches and pitchforks. That's a bit overly dramatic, but you'll get the drift. Every single time I feel hurt, I go back to that.

And there ends today's D.I.Y. therapy session.

You can blame victims, you can blame bullies, but it really is about what ways of interacting are condoned or encouraged. The way these things are or are NOT dealt with can cause more harm or good than the actual bullying. I don't think punishing the bullies would have been effective, and I don't think teaching me to kick everyone's ass would have been effective. If a person is trying to fit in, further alienating others will make things worse. Changing the norm for the group would have worked. Shame would have. Teaching those outside of the core group of bullies that those bullies were wrong would have. Teaching them to stop supporting the bullies would have.