Somebody mentioned a song challenge?

THE GNOMES SEX CHANGE
Nigel Parsons 14/4/11   (apologies to Ewan MacColl)

I'm a gnom-ee, I'm a gnom-ee from Manchester way
I've taken my pleasures the good laddish way
Renouncing that may seem quite churlish
But now I want pleasures quite girlish.

The day was just ending, as I was descending
To Glasto, just South of the Tor
And being quite dense, I jumped over a fence
The wire ripped through the britches I wore.
It also ripped right through my manhood (gnome-hood?)
Leaving me terribly sore.
And the doctor he said, without laughing!
That I could be a dad-gnome no more!

I'm a gnom-ee, I'm a gnom-ee from Manchester way
I've taken my pleasures the good laddish way
Renouncing that may seem quite churlish
But now I want pleasures quite girlish.

The specialist said I'd lost more than my 'head'
In truth, I'd lost most of my dick.
And tho' skin's quite elastic; still with surgery plastic
I'd more chance of a 'cave' than a 'pick' (sorry, dwarvish joke, I couldn't resist it despite the pain!)
I made up my mind in a jiffy
Though what I was losing was small.
The internal workings are iffy
The unkindest cut of them all!

I'm a gnom-ee, I'm a gnom-ee from Manchester way
I've taken my pleasures the good laddish way
Renouncing that may seem quite churlish
But now I want pleasures quite girlish.

Now I go where I will, over valley & hill
And I don't care what other gnomes think
I remember my fate, I use stile or gate!
And my beard I've dyed a light pink
So I can still go on a bender
When to folk club, or folk fest I roam.
For no-one there questions my gender.
It matters to none but a gnome.

I'm a gnom-ee, I'm a gnom-ee from Manchester way
I've taken my pleasures the good laddish way
Renouncing that may seem quite churlish
But now I want pleasures quite girlish.