Thank you, Jimmy Lee! That means a lot to me. I do need your prayers and those of your people, because the legions of Satan appear to be gathering against me.

I arrived home tonight and I got 4 flat tires when I pulled into my own driveway! It turns out that some miscreant put a device across the driveway with many sharp points on it and it pierced all 4 tires as I drove across it.

I then found that one of my windows was broken. I feared that the house had been broken into, but this was not the case. When I tried to get inside, my hand got stuck to the front doorknob! Someone had apparently smeared fast-acting crazy glue all over it. The police say it must have been done just before I arrived home, because otherwise the glue would already have hardened. Whoever did it must have been watching from the bushes! Eventually I managed to painfully pry my fingers from the doorknob and I got in. Inside my living room I found a brick amongst the shards of glass from the broken window. Tied to the brick was a crudely written note that read: "LAY OFF SHANE McBRIDE OR YOU WILL BE SORRY!!! THIS IS NOT A FLIPPIN' JOKE!"

I have called the police, needless to say, and they are intent on catching the perpetrators whose immortal souls I will pray for this very night in the spirit of forgiveness. And tomorrow I will purchase or rent a guard dog, preferably a large and fierce Doberman.

- Joseph Blunder