I transcribed this from the recording at YouTube:


THE EMPIRE PARTY SONG
As sung by Leslie Sarony (1930)

FIRST VOICE: I must say, uh, it gives me, uh, great pleasure, uh, to be asked, uh, to address you upon this most important, uh, occasion. Uh, of course one has to, uh, be very careful what one says, uh, because one is liable to find that one's won a thing, uh, that one should not have won, uh, should not one? Of course one does, exactly. Uh, I have much pleasure now, uh, in calling upon our old friend, uh, Mister Spongebottom, uh, our impunity singer, who will now, uh, give you the song, uh, you have all been waiting for.

OTHER VOICES: Sit down. Shut up.

FIRST VOICE: I thank you.

SINGER: Our country needs a strong man, with dissention now, it seems.
A garlic-eating man is strong, but only when he breathes.
Baldwin's plans all end in smoke, before they're even ripe,
And when they talk of Navy Cuts, he's thinking of his pipe.
This is no time for mirth.
Now is the time to show your worth.

So hats off and catch a cold for England.
Come and join the Empire Party.
Stamp your feet and give three cheers.
Get free meat and get free beers.
If you'll only join the Empire Party,
They'll make you feel at home,
And if they can't get you all inside the Empire,
They'll put you in the Hippodrome.

Coats off and strike a blow for England.
Come and join the Empire Party.
Housewives, scorn the foreign yoke.
Half their eggs are cracked or broke.
If you'll only join the Empire Party,
You'll have to pay and grin,
For if they can't find the money when they want it,
They're sure to put the brokers in.

FIRST VOICE: Uh, I have another little announcement to make, uh, that is, uh,that our old friend Mister Scripplethorpe was to have given us a solo on the, uh, the, uh, whiffercoot, a rather unique instrument, if I may say so—uh, two strings on a navvy's boot played with the teeth. Unfortunately, he was hit in the mouth by a cricket ball, which, uh, knocked all his stumps out. However, another old friend of ours, uh, Mister Blastit, i-i-is going to, uh, give us a cornet solo. Yes, uh, every time he plays his cornet, I scream! Ha-ha!

[CORNET SOLO BEGINS.]

FIRST VOICE: That celebrated saga of raspberries, I think was dedicated to this gentleman.

SINGER: Hats off and catch a cold for England...etc.


[Around the same time, Gracie Fields also recorded a song that mentioned the Empire Party and the Hippodrome, although it wasn't as pointedly satirical as this one. See THAT MUST HAVE BEEN OUR WALTER.]