The Folk Police are alive and well, living in Ireland and making pre-emptive strikes on those planning to invade traditional music sessions.

Henceforth, FP officers will man all Irish ports of entry assessing the musical competence of visitors. Offensive instruments – bodhrans, bouzoukis amd guitars (especially 12-strings) – will be decommissioned and their owners sentenced to hard labour (also known as long periods of listening to sean nos singing).

Parties of three or more will be granted visas to Doolin ONLY.

NB: Those seeking applications to join the Folk Police need not worry – all officers are self-appointed.