These are the full lyrics;

When I was out walking with my cousin Jim,
Somebody threw a tomato at him.
Now tomatoes are soft and they don't hurt the skin,
But this bugger did 'cos is came in a tin.

Toodlay, toodlay, the best of society lives round our way.

I called on my girlfriend; her name is Miss Brown.
She was up in the bath and she couldn't come down.
I said, "Come on down here; slip on something quick."
She slipped on the soap and fell right on my D*ck.

Toodlay, toodlay, the best of society lives round our way.

Now old Mr Casey was milking his cow,
But how to milk it, he did not know how.
He pulled on its tail instead of its tit
And old Mr Casey was covered in sh*t.

Toodlay, toodlay, the best of society lives round our way.

As I was out walking down Abercarn High Street
I saw a bloke they call 'Scruff' with no shoes on his feet.
Saw pity in his eyes and I started to care,
I went in the fruit shop and bought him a pear.

Toodlay, toodlay, the best of society lives round our way.

I looked out the front window early one morn.
There was a tramp, eating grass, chompin' down on the lawn.
I said, "Oi! buddy, if you fancy a snack,
The grass is much longer if you try round the back."

Toodlay, toodlay, the best of society lives round our way.

I went to the market to buy me a hen,
Because I enjoy my eggs every now and again,
But when I got home I had hell of a shock.
Hen says, "I don't lay eggs, son; they've sold you a cock."

Toodlay, toodlay, the best of society lives round our way.

I went for a trip on the old underground,
But I slipped on a step and I fell on the ground.
A vicar rushed up. "Did you miss a step, son?"
I said, "No, you daft twat, I hit every one."

Toodlay, toodlay, the best of society lives round our way.

Now I dreamt that I died and to Heaven I did go.
"Where do you come from?" they wanted to know.
"I come from Abercarn," and boy did they stare.
"Come on right in; you boys are alright from there."

Toodlay, toodlay, the best of society lives round our way.
REPEAT