This is partucularly hard because by definition you cannot personnally question "why?"
And, (in my recent experience) it is hard for people to *not* see (or in a self-defense fashion create) a nefarious influence (drugs, prostitution, etc.)
We can bang our heads against the wall and make up all kinds of shit, but we cannot really live inside someone else's head and really understand why.
That is the cruelest torture of all, because the "whys" we make up (egocentrically?) involve us.
And maybe they do...