You can hear this song at YouTube. It's the first of 2 songs in that "video." This is my transcription:


AT A WEDDING, A CHRISTENING OR A FUNERAL
As sung by Leslie Sarony

INTRO: Here we are again, all the family,
And we haven't been together for years.
Someone's getting married, so we meet once more,
And out come the smiles and tears.

1. Oh, we've lots of relations down our street,
But there's something wrong with their poor feet,
For the only time they ever seem to meet
Is at a wedding or a christ'ning or a fun'ral.

2. The men shake hands, and when that's done,
The ladies kiss there one by one,
And the only time we have a bit of fun
Is at a wedding or a christ'ning or a fun'ral.

CHORUS: There is happy land, far, far away.
One man's meat is another man's poison; that's what we say.

3. We oil our hair and scrub out toes,
Put scented soap in our ... nose(?).
The only time we're smelling like a rose
Is at a wedding or a christ'ning or a fun'ral.

4. Oh, the kids get dirty too, by heck,
And at night our Tommy looks a wreck,
And the only time she'll go and wash his neck
Is at a wedding or a christ'ning or a fun'ral.

5. And father's got a tit-for-tat
He calls his little gor-blimey hat,
And all the fam'ly on his hat have sat
At a wedding or a christ'ning or a fun'ral. CHORUS

6. Our Auntie Con is tall and strong.
She's a wooden leg has Auntie Con,
But the only time she ever screws it on
Is at a wedding or a christ'ning or a fun'ral.

7. There are lots of them without a doubt
Whose clothes are always up the spout,
And the only time they ever get them out
Is at a wedding or a christ'ning or a fun'ral.

8. They all discard their overalls.
They all step up and pay their calls,
And there's always an awful smell of camphor balls
At a wedding or a christ'ning or a fun'ral. CHORUS

9. We've got a boxing son so bright
Who always wants to show his might,
But the only time he ever has a fight
Is at a wedding or a christ'ning or a fun'ral.