A phone call today reminded me that I have an GYN/Oncology appointment on Friday. I knew it was coming up but thought it was next week. That's what I get for not writing it down.

I've been having pain on the left side of my abdomen (which is where the initial cyst was found) so I'm feeling a bit rattled. I'm hoping it's adhesion pain and nothing more.

I've also been reading about ovarian cancer and the lack of progress over the last 30 years. It's the only cancer that does not have an accurate diagnostic test. The average survival rate of an ovarian cancer survivor is said to be 10 years. I've reached the platinum level which means the carboplatinum drug seems to have worked for me. There are so many recurrences. I can't go there. I just can't. I won't. I won't. I WON'T.

"We [survivors] can't be consumed by ovarian cancer. We attend too many funerals. We have to do other things and be with other people."

I don't know who said it but I think this is true. For the most part, I do ok with it simmering in the background like a bad, hazy dream but then sometimes, like today, it's in the forefront of my brain. They have taken excellent care of me so far and I have no reason to believe that if there was a recurrence that they wouldn't continue to take excellent care of me. I still have my port because there are timelines as to when most recurrences happen (IF they happen) and I never want to have to have another port put in in my life. It's working just fine and doesn't bother me...it's my safety net. I know I could have treatment immediately, if need be. Sometimes when they access my port, they leave the tubing attached to my chest for just in case. I see the doctor and then they take it out afterwards.

I always take my doctors something seasonal (food wise but not sweets). You might remember I used to take them fresh eggs but my hens aren't laying like they used to. Any suggestions? Fresh rhubarb maybe? Chives? Asparagus?

Michelle who is trying to maintain a sense of calmness