mauvepink, I admire you for breaking away and salvaging yourself as you did. It isn't easy. It's very sad how years of such treatment undermine and disempower a person. One ends up a hollow shell. Later one can see it all, but during it one blindly stumbles on, getting more and more frantic and depressed. I have had this experience (many years ago) and thankfully I finally found the last ounce of strength I possessed to get away. I felt as if the other person was in the right, and that I hadn't 'succeeded' in placating and pleasing them. Happily married now, I can see that a good relationship is easy, effortless, joyful and strengthening. If only I'd known this all those years ago!