Still grateful, but it is sinking in they each still have a long road back.

And that I can not be there sufficiently.

I feel helpless and am very bothered that I can not offer as much instrumental help as they both need. During Dad's last year, I could not offer as much instrumental help as I wanted to, but Mom and Annie were in positions to cover the bases. I wasn't able to carry my fair share of the load, but between the two of them, they were capable of handling the load without my full participation.   

We are so truly fortunate as a family to have friends and extended family with a strong sense of commitment and obligation to family. I know that. But the reality is my 73 year old uncle is up from Florida taking care of my 82 year old mother, the lovely friends and neighbors of my mother are all her age or older, my sister is 8 hours away from home, and has no family, though many busy friends there. Although everyone pledges to do whatever is needed for as long as is needed, I don't think anyone realizes how long a haul this may be.

I know I am not the only person on Mudcat who has dealt, or is dealing with similar issues. Living several hours away. Older, with dependent children. Numerous job changes late in life that were not anticipated, but are simply the reality of economic changes over the past several years - not just since the crash - which means constant job insecurity as well as limited paid leave. Working two or more jobs to make current ends meet and to try to put back enough to live on when we are no longer able to work or no longer able to find a job - not even thinking in terms of being able to retire.

Stretched so thin for so long that resiliency that otherwise would still be there is damaged, making me less effective than I otherwise have the capacity to be.

Please don't hear this as a whine. I'm looking to hear how others in similar situations are coming to terms with the realities.