The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #28075   Message #3172686
Posted By: GUEST
19-Jun-11 - 12:14 AM
Thread Name: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
To the best of my knowledge, this is the song in its entirety. We used to sing this song all the time in Scouts and Guides for campfires and such, and it was always a favourite with youth members and leaders alike. As little kids we often missed some of the funnier implications, but we can appreciate them now as adults ;)

"To market, to market went my brother Jim,
When somebody threw a tomato at him.
Tomatoes are soft and they don't bruise the skin,
But this one killed Jim; it was wrapped in a tin.

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Mary the milkmaid was milking the cow.
The trouble with Mary, she didn't know how.
Along came the farmer and gave her the sack
So she turned the cow over and poured the milk back.

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I called on my girlfriend; her name was Miss Brown.
She was having a shower and couldn't come down.
I said, "Slip on something; be down in a tick."
So she slipped on the soap and by gum she was quick.

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I looked out my window early one morn
And there was a tramp; he was eating the lawn.
I said, "If you're hungry you're on the wrong track.
The grass is much longer around at the back."

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One day in a rest'rant my soup was quite thin.
I noticed a cockroach was swimming therein.
I cried to the waiter, "What's this I can see?"
And he said, "It looks like the backstroke to me."

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A lady of beauty went down to the beach.
In a topless bikini she looked quite a peach.
Her ego it suffered a terrible stroke
When a man passing by said, "Hey, Mac! Got a smoke?"

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Now Grandfather Brown's hair was all falling out.
He went to the barber and started to shout,
"Oh, please, is there something to keep my hair in?"
"Of course," said the barber. "Why not use a tin?"

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My old friend Big Jim had a watch made of gold.
One day he swallowed it, so I am told.
Now he takes Epsom salts three times a day
And he just sits while time passes away.

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The butcher was cleaning the back of his shop.
He paused for a moment to lean on his mop.
He sat on the slicing machine with a jerk
And then found he got all behind in his work.

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A fellow I know ate a packet of seeds
And in a few weeks he was covered in weeds,
But sadder to say, as the time came to pass,
He found that he couldn't sit down on his grass.

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A fellow named Humphrey went down to the sea.
He was changing his swimmers behind a big tree.
A dog chased him out and the people did stare
And the kids all yelled, "Look Mum, there's Humphrey B Bear!"

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