"she was just trying to find her seat"

Despite in the same sentence also claiming to have texted her way through pretty much every other film in every other cinema that she has ever visited.. I guess it was only in *this* cinema that she wasn't texting but disturbing other cinema goers by wielding a flashlight instead. Not that it makes much difference of course. If you genuinely need assistance reaching your seat because you've turned up late, you simply ask an usher.

Otherwise, her unique turn of phrase "The Magnited States of America" seems to have gained a great deal of fans (some of which are thoughtfully supporting a charitable educational fund in Austin):
Magnited We Stand