Derek Brimstone has sung this song, with the original words, for some thirty odd years. In reply to a query on an earlier thread he emailed the following...

".....'Portuguese' was written by a chap called Patrick Cogshill. He was a student at Exeter university and he did a floor spot at my gig there - sang three brilliantly funny songs that he'd written - and that was one of them. He dictated the words to me - (I wish I'd got the other two, they were just as good)- and the rest is history. I never saw, or heard from him again - just sort of immediately lost touch, although I attributed the song to him on my first album"

Must learn "clicky"!