STUTTERING BUM
Words by Ronnie Barker
As recorded by The Two Ronnies (Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett) on “Jehosophat and Jones” (1973)

1. Oh-oh, Mary Lou, I'm a-callin’ you up on the telephone
To say thanks for comin’ to the dance with me and lettin’ me take you home.
I'm sorry I seemed so nervous and started to stammer and sweat,
But it s-started as soon as I s-saw you and I ain't got over it yet.

2. I stared at your great big b-b-b-b-b-beautiful blue-green eyes.
I wondered if you f-f-f-f-f-flirted with all the guys.
When you smiled, I nearly sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shot right out the door,
‘Cause I’d never seen such pretty little t-t-t-t-t-teeth before.

3. I ain’t y-usually a bashful boy; I’ve took out other gals.
I’ve kissed ‘em on the b-b-b-b-backdoor step and p-p-p-p-promised to be pals,
But since I first caught sight of you on the Brownsville buggy ride,
Why I’ve become a s-stutterin’ bum and my tongue’s perpetually t-tied.

4. My c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-collar gets awful tight
When I f-f-f-f-f-feel you close as I did last night.
I get a funny feeling in my b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-brain,
And I can't w-w-wer till I p-p-p-per; I j-just gotta see you again.

5. She said she'd see me Saturday and I put down the phone.
My tongue is back to normal now, now I'm once more alone,
But next time that I meet her on Saturday night around ten,
You can b-bet your b-bottom dollar I'll be a st-stutterin' bum again.

6. I'll grab her by the b-b-b-b-b-barn and p-p-p-push her inside.
I'll take my c-courage in both hands and ask her to be my b-bride;
And if she holds my c-c-clammy hand and tells me that she would,
I'll f-f-f-f-f-fetch a preacher right away and that'll cure my stutter for good.

That’s good. That's g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-good.


The end. Hope this is what you wanted.

[Corrections made by a Mudelf.]