It's all that came to my mind. ;)

Hello Muddah, hello Faddah
I write to you from across the water,
China's very entertaining
But you should see the bugs that it's been raining.

They've got locusts by the tons,
They've called in poultry as their big guns.
Things are really fowl in Xinjiang,
For there are ducks and chickens out the ying-yang.

Every locust becomes a plop,
And this plopping, it never stops.
The smell is really quite obscene,
And now the Yellow River it flows green.

Take me home, Oh Muddah, Faddah,
Come get me, I hate rice water,
I'm stuck here, out in the muck,
Where I might get eaten by a duck.

Hello Granny, hello Gramps,
I write to you from south-east France,
Where I'm in L'hospital,
For I was rudely mangled by a sow.

I was swimming in the hostel pool,
A heard of pigs came, I saw their drool,
They were hungry and very whiney,
When I ran away one gored me in the hiney.

I'll be here a day or two,
They want to see if I got swine flu.
I'd just come from gay Paree,
Where I was robbed and mugged by a monkey.

Take me home, Oh Granny, Gramps,
Come get me, I do hate France,
With apes here, there's no fighting chance,
And there's a hog who wears my underpants.

Dear Uncle Henry, and Aunt Verbenia,
I write to you from Jarratt, Virginia,
I'll be home a week from Monday,
But first I must recover my Hyundai.

I'd just come out of the Karaoke bar,
When an ugly monkey stole my car.
He pelted me with apples too,
When I went outside to try and find the loo.

Take me home, Henry and Verbenia,
Come get me, I hate Virginia,
I might not get home alive,
Cuz, I've got to drive I-95.